If it wasn’t for Jenny’s diving course I would never have discovered my favourite place in Thailand.
It’s a little island called Koh Tao, but it should be renamed the Beautiful Island.
Everybody here is beautiful, so beautiful in fact, even the ugly people are beautiful.
Ok, that’s not entirely true, there were two ugly people who stuck out as much as someone not in costume at the Wellington 7s. The first was a really large woman in a really small blue bikini and the other was a blindingly pale guy wearing Teva sandals (I don’t know why but I’ve got a serious issue with Teva sandals).
But of all the beautiful people on Koh Tao, Suzanna is the most beautiful. She’s from India but has been living on Koh Tao for the past year. We meet her while swimming and spend the next hour gawking at her incredibly hot friends, all scuba instructors, with photoshopped abs and hawaiian tans.
Murphy’s Law, both Jenny and Bianca manage to be sick for the entire time we’re in Koh Tao so our yoga session, where our cute Scottish instructor basically dry humps the girl next to us to get her ‘deeper into the pose,’ is as close to the action as we get.
This place has me so at ease that I forget one of the golden rules of South East Asia: nothing is for free.
So when we decide to kayak to a nearby island not only do we get charged for sitting on the beach but so does our kayak.
Although we only learn this after returning to our kayak to find that someone has stolen our oars. They’d call it confiscated for failing to pay an unpublicised landing fee, I call it stealing.
Next we head to Koh Phangan, where we hide ourselves on the quiet side of the island for a few days before the Half Moon Party.
Our resort manager is so lovely he even stands waiting for me on the beach one morning with a giant bottle of water to celebrate my first run in six weeks.
The only thing that seriously gets on my nerves here is the dogs.
Yes they look cute but the novelty wears off when they’re under your legs when you’re trying to go for a run and all of a sudden next to you when you’re in the water doing a starfish.
Curiously though, most of the dogs here look part sausage dog, with short legs and long bodies and I must admit I did enjoy watching dog versus crab.
Next we head to Koh Phi Phi, where after a very rocky start at the world’s worst resort (so bad it will soon get its very own blog post) we find a great place on Long Beach.
This time there’s a few too many cats for my liking.
Around this island is great diving and it was a big moment to get Bianca, who’s petrified of the fact she shares the ocean with other things, to come snorkelling.
Although I’m probably a bad best friend for forgetting to mention just before she got in the water that I saw a shark.
We spend the last of our days in Thailand tanning ourselves, but thankfully not to the point of some of the other girls.
They’re so brown they’re starting to look like oompa loompas from the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie.
If I think they’re crazy, I hate to think what the locals think.
They cover their bodies and faces from the sun, wear foundation a hundred shades too light for them and apply whitening cream religiously.
I guess there really is some universality in the saying, ‘you always want what you don’t have.’