It’s Jenny’s birthday so we hit up some Thai boxing in Bangkok.
When we arrive a very polite host greets us and asks where we’d like to sit. He quickly suggests ringside seats, as pointing at me, “you might like to sit down as you’re pregnant.”
One word for you: mortified.
Although, I can see where he’s coming from. Given up on vanity in this heat, I opt to wear black floaty pants and a loose sleeveless shirt which is concealing my bulging money belt. I admit, a month of no exercise and rice and noodles three times a day probably hasn’t helped either.
Luckily this chap is mortified too, we take this photo to remember the unfortunate moment.
Clearly he’s now got some serious sucking up to do, so for the rest of the night he keeps coming over the check on us. It helps that his younger brother is one of the star attractions. I can see why. There’s not an inch of fat on this 20 year old, just muscle. Shiny Tiger Balm rubbed muscle.
The boxings so so but the ritual dance they perform beforehand has me mesmorized. Picture beautifully muscly, oiled up Thai men doing a dance similar to the one Hugh Grant does in Love Actually when he’s playing the British Prime Minister after he socks it to the American President see here
But hands down my favourite part of the evening is going to the bathroom which I make a point of doing several times. You see, right outside the Ladies’ bathroom is where the boxers get rubbed down. I’m standing on the wall watching when I totally get busted by a Canadian guy who says, “isn’t he too young for you.” Point taken.
As tempting as it is we turn down the offer to go to the boxers’ after party in Chinatown.
Instead we catch a taxi, where Bianca after one too many Changs, engages in a hilarious four phrase conversation with the taxi driver. The phrases being: sawatdee kaa (meaning hello), kob kun kaa (meaning thank you), Chang Mai (as in the place) and of course, I love you. She also tries to teach him the kiwi phrase ‘nek minute.’ I’ve given up on that one. I’ll let the You Tube clip do it for me.
The taxi ride back is full of anticipation for me as tonight I loose my hostel ‘V plates.’ I’m also not so secretly hoping there’ll be some babes in our dorm. We unlock the door, turn on the light and in the bunk next to me is…a obese Santa looking man in tighty whiteys. No blanket, no shirt, just tightly whiteys. Worst of all he’s sleeping on his side, facing me. I awake the next morning to him wheezing, hoiking and then can’t help but hearing him in the bathroom, he’s got the squirts.
After that I’m well and truly ready to leave Bangkok. Our final meal is on the road opposite the train station.
It’s here we meet the most fantastic ladyboy. She’s terrifically camp, asks us where we’re from and when we reply New Zealand she pipes in, “I’m from Thailand.” When we go to pay I can’t help but notice one of their goldfish is floating upside down, possibly sucking in the last breaths of its life. I inquire if it’s ok, to which my ladyboy friend replies, “she’s sleeping, she liiiiiiiikes it.”
The night train to Chang Mai’s less amusing. I’m stuck on the top left bunk of a four person sleeper compartment with a Thai family who speak little English. When they arrive around 8pm I politely say hello, to which the father of the family quickly replies ‘goodnight’ before abruptly closing my curtain. Oh well, that’s me for the next 15 hours.